Everything Wrong With Harry Potter
by Skye Fae
Summary: 16. Hey, I'm Hairy! This work is basically chock full of...awesomeness. Seriously. Check it out. Read for your own entertainment:)


All The Things Wrong…

Harry Potter and The Philosopher's/Sorcerer's Stone

(Part One)

**Okay, so the other day I was just thinking what if I do a 'All The Things Wrong' series? Some things in HP struck me as just plain dumb, or stupid, so I decided to do a Part One to see responses. Tell me if I should do a Part Two and Three for this, and if I get positive reviews, I'll do all the other books, and maybe even other things, like Pokemon, or ummm...Alex Rider, Artemis Fowl, Percy Jackson, etc. I aspire to get at **_**least **_**15 reviews to continue this, so please help:) Any and every single piece of advice is greatly appreciated. Oh, and should I be more snarky? Any other suggestions which I could've done for this part? It's only till Chapter 5 so far, I GIVE SUGGESTIONS!This is meant to be a fun work, done purely for my own entertainment, as well as yours.**

1\. Harry was left on his relative's doorstep in the middle of the night, with only a note. Nothing else explaining anything. Such a good idea.

2\. Have you ever thought about the fact that a baby could fall ill or get infections when left outside a doorstep during the night?

3\. Harry was left after he was hit by the fatal curse _Avada Kedavra_, and no one checked up on him or brought him to a hospital.

4\. Why does Dumbledore go 'scars come in handy' and refuse to remove the scar when McGonagall asks him to? He obviously knows something about the Horcrux, and yet doesn't do anything. Not a wise move at all.

5\. Aren't you supposed to train your great saviour so they can conquer the baddies instead of leaving them with people who hate him so he doesn't know his heritage?

6\. There is no Hogwarts on this planet.

7\. They flew a baby to the Dursley's using a flying motorcycle, which was adapted to carry two humans and not a half-giants' and a human's weight.

8\. Dumbledore apparently knew nothing about Harrys' abuse when he has a squib neighbour part of his Order, Arabella Figg next door. She even babysat him!

9\. If Arabella Figg has so many cats that she has photographs of all of them, where did they all go?

10\. Typical stereotype that an old lady's house smells like cabbage.

11\. Harry. Was. Abused.

12\. No one suspected anything being wrong in the household, rather they thought of Harry as a rebel when he clearly has all the signs of abuse. Not even the teachers at his school.

13\. Anyone can look up Harry's location in the phonebook at a place where he is supposedly the safest. Ever heard of Yellow Pages?

14\. You would have thought Harry would have some Slytherin instincts for survival and not immediately trust Dumbledore and be a bit wary, but nope.

15\. Harry doesn't suspect anything at all when he does accidental magic. When his hair grows back after his aunt cuts it, when he appears on the rooftop when Dudley and his goons are chasing , all perfectly normal.

16\. Hey, I'm Hairy!

17\. If the Dursley's hate Harry so much, why have they never dumped him at an orphanage?

18\. No one ever visits Harry at Privet Drive, and I really doubt it has a _Fidelus _charm on it.

19\. Why do the Dursley's try to run away from something which is inevitable? Why not dump Harry somewhere when the first letter arrives?

20\. It's ironic that while the Dursley's call Harry a freak, they are the actual freaks for hurting children.

21\. Has Harry never received mails or gifts from _**adoring **_fans?

22\. It is also ironic in its own twisted way that the Dursley's go on about Harry being a waste of space and money while he actually has a small fortune sitting away and is from one of the most prestigious families in the wizarding world.

23\. It's strange that on Dudley's birthday, he can count that he has thirty-six presents and _remember _that he has two less than last year, but he can't count what 37+2 is.

24\. WHAT IS WRONG WITH DUDDERS PARENTS? YOU DON'T PAT THEM ON THE HEAD AND SAY ATTA BOY WHEN YOUR SON WHINES ABOUT RECEIVING _ONLY _THIRTY-SIX PRESENTS!I'VE NEVER RECEIVED THAT MANY PRESENTS BEFORE IN MY SHORT LIFE. HELL,I'VE RECEIVED LESS THAN 10 )!( *#^$%#

25\. Harry does not hide the letter anywhere when he knows the Dursley's have never let him have anything before.

26\. The character of Harry Potter is surprisingly naïve considering all he has gone through.

27\. In real life abuse doesn't make people have some trust issues. It makes them jaded and a sociopath.

28\. Hagrid obviously knows that Harry is being mistreated and never does anything, as shown by the fact that he seems to know of the Dursley's and have seen them before.

29\. It seems a bit like they're trying too hard to convince people that Dumbledore is a good man when they list all the awards he's gotten on the first Hogwarts letter.

30\. Wait, green ink? Who writes the letters, Snape?

31\. How are the muggleborns supposed to owl? WTF?

32\. It is not feasible to fit an owl in a pocket, considering Hagrid has no magic. I don't care how big he is.

33\. Oh my god a pointed hat? Seriously?

34\. Stereotype of witches and wizards having pointed hats.

35\. Parents have to be reminded that first years aren't allowed to bring broomsticks to school. Ok. Sooo...no guys attend this school then?

36\. If a grubby-looking pub is famous, I can't imagine what infamous looks like. Probably Draco Malfoy.

37\. Why. On. Earth. Is there a bloody magical station hidden in one of the busiest places in London? Won't regular people actually notice people walking through a pillar considering J.K. Rowling never mentioned the pillar having a notice-me-not charm?

38\. The Weasley's yelling about the entrance for the whole world to hear. Haven't they been there before? 5 times before, to be precise. They must have broken the Secrecy Act, no?

39\. Weirdly dressed people with snakes and owls in cages walking through a pillar and disappearing. Come on, give normal people like me some credit for not being completely stupid.

40\. All Slytherins are evil. They're eleven. Use your brains.

41\. If all the Slytherins are actually evil, why is there a house for bullies in the school?

42\. Ronald Weasley asking about the scar and going all 'Wow! That is so cool!' and Harry not getting offended at all considering his parents died that day.

43\. There being no empty compartment's on the train is so obviously false.

44\. If Neville Longbottom can't find his frog, considering he grew up in a magical household from Day One, why doesn't he know there's a spell called _Accio_ to get his frog back and has to go from place to place searching manually?

45\. If they have already went around asking others if they had seen Trevor, why did no one else use the _Accio _spell?

46\. A big red steam engine must be really hard on the eyes in sunlight.

47\. Why can't they use the Floo or have a Apparating point to reach Hogwarts?

48\. Why the hell did the founders name the school Hogwarts? That sounds so wrong. That sounds so wrong. Like, hey, the other day I met a hag who had a wart on her nose. She was _uuuggllyy._

49\. Wanting to get in the same house as your parent's sounds a lot like Hufflepuff loyalty.

50\. Staying in Hufflepuff is a really good cover if you want to take over the world since no one suspects the "poor, innocent, 'Puffs" *evil cackle*

51\. Why is Voldemort called You-Know-Who? Like, I don't know who. You could be referring to that really hot guy/gal and could be talking to your friend and saying, Look, it's You-Know-Who. Or you could be talking about your parents.

52\. He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named? You just named him, dumbarse.

53\. Don't owls ever lose things?

54\. Having only one bank is really bad for the economy. If that bank crashes or there's _another _Goblin Rebellion, all your money will vanish. Disappear. Like magic. Abracadabra(See what I did there?)

55\. If Gringrotts is so safe, why on earth does Dumbledore need to withdraw the top secret, mysterious priceless Hogwarts thing?

56\. Harry _just happens _to be there when the aforementioned item is being withdrawn.

57\. Ron's family is about as prejudiced as the Malfoys. "Um, I think we have a second cousin who's an accountant, but we never talk about him." Because he doesn't have magic. Hah. And you wonder why the purebloods are so messed up if that's what the _light_ families do.

**First reviewer gets a cookie:)Please review, otherwise...you'll find out that Severus Snape is actually Voldie's son. Yes. Shocking, I know. And I don't have a beta, so pleease don't comment too much on my grammer mistakes…**


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